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PICList Thread
'[PICLIST] [JOKE]: Santa Funny'
2000\12\15@073558 by Andrew Kunz

For those of you in countries that Santa visits, enjoy this.  For those
countries on Santa's No Fly Zone, enjoy the laugh anyway!


AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 11) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush
filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus
from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks
an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking
the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the
list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his

The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks
a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all
repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the
original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion,
or other unnecessary modification."

"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice.
It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he
need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over
again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.

Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and
blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North

"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother
just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check
her ID or nothing."

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct
plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the
honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the
world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding
that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony that
she's asked for.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest
development with plans to lead protesters from Florida to the North
Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to depart
Friday.  "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays,"
Jackson said.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokes-elf said he
was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.

"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days," said
the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly."

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2000\12\15@140555 by Dan Michaels

At 07:37 AM 12/15/00 -0500, you wrote:
>For those of you in countries that Santa visits, enjoy this.  For those
>countries on Santa's No Fly Zone, enjoy the laugh anyway!

Hey James, can we activate the [FWAR]: topic header now,
before anyone responds to Andy's joke?

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2000\12\15@152244 by M. Adam Davis

<flame suit on, cooling system engaged>
In a later press conference Baker clarified the intent of the Bush team by
pointing out that Santa was:
1) Only checking his list twice in certian areas of his route
2) Using widely varying standards for the second check in different areas
And that they were simply asking Santa to either check his entire list
twice and apply a consistant, agreed-upon, easily understood standard, or
to not check any of his list twice, and only certify the first check.

Gore replied, "Nyah!"
Bush replied "Nyah Nyah!"
Gore then said "Nyah times infinity, so there!"
Bush retorted "Nyah to the power of infinity plus one!"
<ERROR: Flame suit resources low; breach expect in 2 messages!>


Bumper sticker of the day:
Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired out of a car window.

Andrew Kunz wrote:
{Quote hidden}

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