Post by thread:[PICLIST] [JOKE]: Santa Funny

For those of you in countries that Santa visits, enjoy this. For those countries on Santa's No Fly Zone, enjoy the laugh anyway! Andy AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 11) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole." "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing." Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony that she's asked for. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to depart Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said. Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokes-elf said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days," said the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly." -- http://www.piclist.com hint: The PICList is archived three different ways. See http://www.piclist.com/#archives for details.

<flame suit on, cooling system engaged> In a later press conference Baker clarified the intent of the Bush team by pointing out that Santa was: 1) Only checking his list twice in certian areas of his route 2) Using widely varying standards for the second check in different areas And that they were simply asking Santa to either check his entire list twice and apply a consistant, agreed-upon, easily understood standard, or to not check any of his list twice, and only certify the first check. Gore replied, "Nyah!" Bush replied "Nyah Nyah!" Gore then said "Nyah times infinity, so there!" Bush retorted "Nyah to the power of infinity plus one!" ... ... ... <ERROR: Flame suit resources low; breach expect in 2 messages!> -Adam Bumper sticker of the day: Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired out of a car window. Andrew Kunz wrote: {Quote hidden}> > For those of you in countries that Santa visits, enjoy this. For those > countries on Santa's No Fly Zone, enjoy the laugh anyway! > > Andy > > AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 11) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush > filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus > from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks > an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking > the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the > list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his > sleigh. > > The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks > a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all > repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the > original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, > or other unnecessary modification." > > "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. > It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he > need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over > again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. > > Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and > blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North > Pole." > > "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother > just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check > her ID or nothing." > > Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct > plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the > honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the > world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding > that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony that > she's asked for. > > The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest > development with plans to lead protesters from Florida to the North > Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to depart > Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," > Jackson said. > > Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokes-elf said he > was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. > > "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days," said > the spokes-elf. "He's just not feeling jolly." > > -- > http://www.piclist.com hint: The PICList is archived three different > ways. See http://www.piclist.com/#archives for details. -- http://www.piclist.com hint: The PICList is archived three different ways. See http://www.piclist.com/#archives for details.