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'[OT!] Edlin is back!'
1998\09\16@104719 by Craig Lee

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<a parody>

In a recent press release Microsoft announced a productivity pack for
Windows 98.
Due to the resounding success of their Return to Arcadia series, they have
brought
several bits from years ago, including:

-- Edlin  - A lovely little text and batch file editor that is even more
painful than UNIX's VI.

-- Win2.0  Scheme - The look and feel for those who are always a step
behind; they can now feel a step ahead.

-- Chkdsk - What disk do you want to trash today?

------------snip------------

1998\09\16@120347 by Martin McCormick

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       Microsoft also announced that it is building a football
stadium in Redmond and fielding a team.  Company officials stated that
they plan to enhance the game by adding new and exciting technology to
add value to the game.  All markers on the field will be projected via
laser equipment from the coache's box.  This will allow for adjustment
of both actual position and numerical value when necessary.  MS plans
to supply officials who have been specially trained in MSFootball so
there won't be any misunderstandings between these officials and ones
trained in the obsolete rules.

       Plans are to add version numbers to fourth-down plays when
there appear to be problems with what otherwise should work so one
will hear such calls as Fourthv2.3A and 25 when strategy dictates the
necessity for such things.

       The ball will be coated with an electrorehological agent and
it's ability to be firmly grasped will be controllable from the
coaches' box.

       Company officials were quoted as saying, "It is our stadium,
our equipment, and we should be free to add any improvements to the
game we see fit."

       The new stadium boasts adjustable end zones that can be set to
Visitor mode or Home mode.  In Visitor mode, the last 10 yards are
actually 15 yards long and the goal posts shoot a high-speed stream of
air designed to deflect arrant balls that might accidentally pass
through the space between the uprights.  In Home mode, the air flow is
reversed to encourage questionable balls to go decisively through the
uprights and over the bar.  The last 10 yards are adjusted to 7.

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